it's all in japanese...

I am writing to you from a computer that has a default language setting of Japanese. It's a strange feeling, not being able to read commands, and yet still know how to navigate a page that has become such a familiar outlet of self-expression.

I am continually amazed at how perfect God's plan is being unfurled before me this summer. First with MontBell, then with the newspaper internship, and now relationships and acquaintances at work that are being shoved into the spotlight... I lose my breath when I realize how deeply God knows me. Through and through, I am a necessary part of this Earth and he hasn't ceased in showing me my value and his love for me.

What started as a seemingly mediocre summer has turned into a phase or era of life that is overflowing with opportunities to learn and dream and grow. Here I thought I wanted so many things, I believed that my path in life was destined for a different, more acceptable course, but no. No, I find myself standing in the middle of my hometown, gazing out into the haze that forms a screen between the Rocky Mountains and my own self, and yet I sense that I have never seen so clearly where I truly belong.

Life is rocky, it changes and moves and there are falls you've never seen coming. And I can't outfit myself with enough self-help books or sturdy hiking boots or all the right foods and exercises. There is no formula to follow for a whole and full life. Isn't that bothersome at times when you have no where to turn, and your on course for a destination that might prove to have no result?

I feel so deeply, it's unbelievable. Everything in life matters, every facet of life has an impact on my mind, soul, body and spirit. I am intense, and some say (with words or actions) that I am hard to handle. I carry the running river of the world with me wherever I go. Memories of the past, dreams of the future, encounters with everyday bullies or extraordinary individuals. I recall the most minute details of times with the ones I love and grieve with mighty force over the ones I've lost.

I don't ask anyone to understand this. I simply hope for the best, hope that I will wake up each morning with perspective and an eagerness to not let the fallen nature of the world bring me down.

Or maybe I do ask. Maybe I ask with every breath I take. There is the chance that I beg, even plead, with my actions to be seen and understood as the person I was designed to be.